So Fall has begun and things are picking up at the University that I work at as is typical time of year. It really makes me miss the days of hanging around campus and going to classes and all the fun stuff (and stress) that go along with that).
Lately, I have been pretty stressed with another check up coming up in a few weeks (21 months but who is counting?) and trying to find ways of dealing with all the stress that goes along with it. I have come to find that each check up seems stressful for a different reason, so using coping techniques from the previous time, doesn't really always work that well. I am less stressed about going into work around these times, when I first went back to work, my anxiety would be so bad that I wouldn't be able to do anything at work, but thankfully those days are gone.
I have been able to accept the fact that these weeks leading up to check ups are very long, and very stressful times. I really am trying my best to manage and focus to get through these instances. It can be personally frustrating that I keep getting worked up, and I know this stress that is a result on me is not only hard on myself, but hard on the people around me. I am always thankful for the things people have done for me when I went through cancer. It wasn't fair to them to have to deal with these things, but then again, it wasn't fair to me either.
Recently, I have found a good counselor who was really good to talk to and (finally) have some useful advice. I am no pro when it comes to dealing with cancer related stress, I know I have it, but can't do a lot about it (neither can the people around me) because I don't know how to fix things.This new one has been very constructive with giving me ideas and supporting my ideas on how to take care of myself and help get past these challenges. It has been quite refreshing, and I have been very thankful for this opportunity.
The stress has been tough to be honest. It has lead me to really down days, being upset at work, not doing things I enjoy, and not working on my writing (obvious?). The harsh realities as they set in are tough to deal with. Things like home ownership, health and life insurance, family planning, and investing all have become much more complicated due to my health concerns. That's tough because many of these issues are tough enough on their own. I hate being stuck in these situations, and they make the weeks even longer.
I am not quite sure what my next move is. Life is hard and I know I am making it harder for many of the people around me as a result of all these concerns and worries and whatever. I have learned that people don't always get what I go through, and that is fine because I don't get what others go through. But I am trying. I do want these long weeks to not be a recurring problem.