Wednesday, 22 May 2013

How Much Time do We Spend Waiting?

One of the hardest parts about going through cancer treatment, leading up to it, and for a long time after is all of the waiting a person might do.

We wait for everything. The next scan, the next blood test, the next result, the next pain, the next side effect, the next break down and the next build up. I have waited for the next surgery, the next round of chemo, the side effects that come along, the next day of radiation the next painful and often difficult step, and I waited patiently for it all to be completed.

Personally I know I have a hard time managing the waiting periods. Knowing your life could change in an instance is something any cancer patient or survivor is all too familiar with. I wait patiently until the next check up to hopefully be told everything is okay, and then I get to wait some more before the next one.

If you are anything like me, I feel I have to wait a little longer with things like investing, sometimes work, and family planning. These were things that were very much put on hold when I was sick, and continue in many aspects afterwards as I go through everything that comes after cancer. I used to have a solid plan of when and how I was going to do some of these things, but it becomes a matter of waiting for the right time. When the right time is, that is anybody's guess. Recently, I am waiting on news of an MRI scan and blood work. More waiting.

I find I am becoming better equipped to deal with these waiting periods. I spent a lot of time worrying during these periods, which doesn't help but is sometimes unavoidable. I don't want to spend my life waiting for good news, sometimes paralyzed by it, and then when good news comes, start waiting for the next round of the same.

I have spent too much time waiting, waiting and waiting some more. I hate it. I have worked for a long time to not have to wait anymore. I am confident I will be at a place soon where I can start to take control again and start living life to fullest again. Ironically, I still have to be patient and wait a little longer to fully be there.

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