Lately, I have been rather demotivated and not in great spirits. And to be quite honest I am not sure why. I find since I have finished chemo this is a feeling that comes and goes about every two months. My "sad cycle" if you will.
I am not sure why these feelings come and go, but I know it is pretty hard to break out of it sometimes. I am really down, I don't really get too chatty with people (not that I am a huge talker anyway) and I get easily demotivated. The way I have found to get through these times, is basically push through. What I mean by that, is that I know they are coming. I know what this feels like, and I know at some point it will pass. It just really sucks, and when things don't go right, it all seems to get magnified.
I try to rationalize what is going on. I never went through things like this before cancer, so I assume it is stemming from that. I don't have a ton of things to be down about, I have a decent, albeit short term job, my fundraising is going well, and I am finally being able to contribute again to things I had promised to work hard for. I do have some things in my life that aren't perfect, but so do most people.
I often wonder if it stems from my lack of desire to voice some of my concerns, opinions, and probably most importantly my feelings. I tend to try and "not complain" about a lot of things since having cancer. "Things have been much worse" I always tell myself. And to be fair, that really is true. I am not going through chemo anymore. But when my "regular" life problems become important is always a question. When will it be okay to get upset at things like the weather, and being late, and having to go get groceries. I feel I should always be "happy" and living life to its fullest because I feel like I have been given a second chance, and when I don't it seems like I may be wasting it, this never helps my mood as you would imagine.
I think this may all lead to my "down times". I know I don't have a good way of dealing with this yet. I have tried counseling, and I have tried finding some people to talk to, but it hasn't worked so far. Until I find I better way, I will push through as best I can.