How Writing Has Helped Me Get By

I haven't found a lot of ways of dealing with many of the stresses and strains that come from having cancer. 

Writing has really been the only outlet that I have had that I am comfortable with expressing my concerns, issues, thoughts or whatever.

I think the reason for this might have something to do with the fact that everyone around me has been effected by what I went through with cancer a different way. To ask someone to put completely aside what they might be feeling or thinking to listen to me, seems like not necessarily a big, but an uncomfortable ask. I also feel a bit selfish when I tried to ask people to do that. Everyone has their own problems. Why would mine be any more important.

Writing and blogging has given me the freedom to say what I want without a lot of the criticism that comes along with it. No one has to sit there and listen, no one has to put aside their concerns for mine, I can just write and say (and get off my chest) anything that I want to really. It has been really nice. It is a bit of an escape from the real world if you will.

I have found when I sit down to write I am usually stress free, even when writing about cancer issues or side effects of treatment, and painful memories of both. When speaking with people about issues I tend to get a bit stressed out, knowing that I am putting added pressure on someone. I don't want to do that, but it happens. When I am writing, I can sit, have my coffee, and feel free to say what I want without that stress. 

I stopped going to the different types of counseling I had been trying as well. I found it to be not helpful. Whether group or one on one, I didn't like that I always felt my concerns where smaller than others in the room (which in many cases they were), I have had a great deal of difficulty connecting with people post cancer. I also didn't like that someone was getting paid to listen. Even if they did care about my issues, it kind of brought me down that they were the only people who could put aside everything. With writing I don't have these issues, it is just me. As long as I am happy (or at least a little pleased) with what I am writing then it is fine.

It is a release. It is a time when I can feel that everything is right in the world. It gives me peace when I need it most it seems these days.