Unitended Stress

To qualify this post today I want to describe my ever stressful leg.

My right leg is where I had cancer. It has been through multiple surgeries,  radiation and chemo. It a scarred, both inside and out, it has pain in some areas and total numbness in others. It is lumpy and bumpy and visibly a mess. It is cancer free. It is a constant source of unintended stress from the whole cancer fighting process.

"I'm sure it's nothing"

It is what I always tell myself when I find a "new" bump or lump in my leg. I can't keep track of them all, I have such a large scar, a messed up leg

"I'm sure it's nothing"

It always is (except that one time....). Truth be told, it has been every time. I have had scares before and each time I go to the cancer agency, my oncologist does what she does, and calls me to tells me what is going on with my body.

"I'm sure it's nothing"

Is what I told myself this week. I have some tough areas of skin in my leg, all surrounding my scar. It is impossible for me to keep track of all the little bumps in my leg. I always find these spots in between check ups and start to stress out over them.

"I'm sure it's nothing"

 Is what I tell myself as I poke and prod around these areas each time I find one until I am in pain or I have physically bruised myself, feeling around, trying to see if it is something more than just scarred or damaged tissue. I know I am not the only cancer survivor who does this type of thing.

"I'm sure it's nothing"

Is what I will tell myself when I call my oncologist, again, to get her opinion on the whole matter. Most likely this will result in going in, getting more tests, and finding out what is going on with my body. She will do her best as she always does and get the results back as quickly as possible.

"It is nothing, you are doing fine"

The only words I want to hear from her, and the only words that makes the unintended stress go away, and words I look forward to hearing again and putting my mind at ease again until the next check up.